I’d almost do it for free

The U.K. tabloid News of the World published a shocking photo of Michael Phelps smoking a bong at a college party in South Carolina.

Yes, shocking. A 23-year-old kid who trains slavishly for a solitary sport most of the year sparks up at a party during his off time. I’m just beside myself with astonishment. I mean, what next, people. What next.

The accompanying story reports that Phelps’ people tried to get the NOTW not to publish the photo, and one of the offers was that Phelps would write a sports column for the paper for three years in exchange for keeping the pic under wraps. The paper said no thanks and published the photo.

I’d like to extend a similar offer to News of the World and any other publication, in any language: In exchange for a bong and a three-year supply of marijuana, I will agree NOT to write a sports column.

Interested editors please contact me at this address.